Saturday, April 29, 2006

Rumblings From Down Under

OK, this isn't strictly about ConnAve, it's about Metro. But hey, the train goes under ConnAve and that's close enough for me.

I've ridden Metro for the last month so obviously I'm now an expert. This is not an anti-Metro rant; you can find plenty of that elsewhere. You want to hear about elevators and escalators that don't work? Late trains? Single tracking? Sorry, wrong blog.

What I have is a list of the things I find particularly annoying about my fellow travelers along with some advice for them. I suppose a “Ten Worst” list would be appropriate but I don’t have ten, I have nine. No anger management necessary here!

In no particular order:

1) Don't sit on the outside of seats in an attempt to keep me off "your" seat unless you want me crawling all over you. You're not really "special" enough to deserve that seat to yourself.

2) If you are the driver that says, "All aboard! Doors are closing." when actually, they're just now opening, and then repeat it at every station, and I mean EVERY station, well, don't be surprised if I run up to the front of the train one of these days and rip out your little microphone.

3) Keep your foot off that vertical pole when you're sitting on the inward facing seat unless you want your lower leg amputated.

4) What about the people who are so enormous that they take up two seats on their own. Do we need bigger seats? Or smaller humans? We already have seats designated as being available for people with disabilities or the elderly, maybe we should have fat seats that stretch most of the way across the train so the 300 pound and up crowd have a place for themselves.

5) Face front, and keep those feet tucked in! When you sit on the outside of the seat and stick your feet -- both of them! -- out there in the aisle, don't be shocked if those naked little tootsies get stomped on.

6) Hey! People that leave newspapers on the train! Why don't you save the paper and tomorrow, give it back to the person that gave it to you?

7) To the crowd of folks who get up two stops before Metro Center and stand next to the door so they can be first in line to burst out the doors and sprint off to another platform. Have you tried getting an earlier train?

8) To Mr. Hard O'Hearing who won't be happy until he's achieved total deafness, and so listens to his music at full blast so we can all hear that annoying, repetitive, tinny, racket all over the train. Thanks a lot Mr. O'Hearing! Here's to your eventual happiness. Come to think of it, why can you only hear the bass from a passing car when the volume is up at the deafening level, but it's only treble that leaks out of an iPod?

9) Please. Let's all liberally apply deodorant and suck on breath mints before boarding a crowded train.